Date: 11th July 2010
Place: Southgate Club, Pennard
Hares: Luvmachine & No Entry
R*n Reporter: Murphys
Synopsis of run: Well attended but too many cows.
Circle opened: 12:21 – nice to see the new mismanagement keeping up the punctuality.
Hashers in attendance: Brass Monkey, MyNewt, No Entry, Noddy, Big Daddy, Bazookas, Rarebit, Fanny Belt, Pussy Galore, Luv Machine, Period Pain, Page 3, O beer on, Inspect Her Flange, Barrel, Orville, Big Dump, Murphy’s, Whitney Houston, John NNY (IHF’s brother), Chris NNY (not sure who she was, but she left part of the way through the run). 21 in total !!!!!
Apologies for absence: None.
Opening circle down-downs:
Chris NNY and John NNY (GM’s brother) – new feet.
Hares (No Entry and Luv Machine) to explain the run to new feet. LM provided a long and “torturous description” which nobody understood. Apparently a circle is like an O.
Noddy & Barrel – returnees – to the tune of “I like Traffic Lights”.
Off we set in a roughly southerly direction the short distance to the car park and ice cream shop at Fox Hole. Here the runners and walkers split into two. The runners made their way over toward Deep Slade and Hunt’s Farm, while the walkers sauntered over to the ice cream shop. Ice creams in hands, the knitting circle made it’s way over West Cliff to Shire Combe. Where they waited at a holding check (beer stop in reality, but not marked as that due to the danger of somebody discovering the stash of beer Luv Machine had left near there).
The knitting circle today had one new member – Murphy’s (not feeling particularly well) had decided to infiltrate the knitting circle to see what it was all about. Now, some facts about the knitting circle:
1) They don’t actually knit anything – in fact nothing constructive has ever been produced.
2) The knitting circle is heavily influenced by the “Gospel according to Barrel” - the main topic of conversation was “women’s problems”, and in particular “WATERWORKS”. This has led to a growing belief that Barrel actually founded the knitting circle as an alternative sect within SJH3 to provide him with further material for his forthcoming dissertation: “Artesian Basins – how to find one that matches the colour of the rest of your bathroom suite”.
3) Apart from water related conversations, the only other topic seemed to be one about whether male cows (bulls without a willy?) had udders and if they did, could they produce milk. So, no danger of the knitting circle dominating the world again this year.
By now the runners were catching up and No Entry was heard to exclaim “Luv Machine has run past the beer”. What she was actually looking at was John NNY (IHF’s brother). In poker does a GM’s brother beat an RA – I’ll let you decide reader.
The beer stop was particularly good in that the beer was chilled in a rucksack – not the last chilled beer today either. During the beer stop Hash Flash (Orville) attempted to take a photo of the group, but took a good photo of the sky when he fell into a bunker – don’t think he’d got used to the “New Shoes” he was wearing. No Entry then attempted to show Orville how to do it and must have been more successful as she said “I think it’s worked” at the end.
Off we went down to Pobbles beach: Rarebit – “I’ve got thistles in my ar*e. I’m going down on my ar*e”. Brass Monkey – “Did you see Roger Moore on the Sky at Night”.
Down at the beach, Period Pain, Whitney Houston and O beer on went for a swim. Then we were off again – the walkers heading back via Pennard Golf course, with the runners going all around via Pennard Castle. At the “sand slide”, Period Pain and O beer on had a race, however, apparently PP grabbed Ob and threw him down in revenge for cheating last time against Luv Machine. It looked as though PPs injuries had been inflicted by flagellation (that’s whipping to you lot).
The circle:
Down down - What’s the first thing we USUALLY do in the closing circle – that’s right we sing the SWANSEA JACK hash song. Not this time, Rarebit had a top on with the words to the not dissimilar SURABAYA hash song on it, so Rarebit and O beer on were front and centre while we sang this with Noddy acting as stand in Mistress of Music. Down downs for Plagiarism. Somebody made a comment about Rarebit and Vestal Virgins, to which Rarebit replied “I’m still on one hand thank you very much!”.
Down down for Big Daddy for taking over as P*ss Pourer without being asked.
Down down for Hares for a cr*p run – too much SAND.
Down down for Fanny Belt for Trying to be Mistress of Music on the last down down.
Down down for Chris NNY – new feet. Luv Machine (RA) said “You enjoyed the run, now come here and enjoy this beer.”.
Down down – Rarebit and O beer on – conducting a private party in the circle. Noddy = mistress of music.
Down down – Orville – for his “action shot” and photo of the sky when he fell in the bunker.
Down down – Brass Monkey for saying that the sky photo could be sent in to ROGER MOORE on The Sky at Night. Down down accompanied by 007 theme tune.
Down down – Rarebit for not being able to hare the run even though she said she would. Also down down for the hares – if one hare drinks.
Down down – for the Hare Razor – but as Leeky not present O beer on (who apparently was interchangeable with Leeky at Hash Camp) took the down down. Throws the last of his beer over his shoulder and over Rarebit – “The Money Shot”. Rarebit: “I’ve never had a man miss like that before!”.
Down down – Barell – for being the first short cutter.
Down down – Rarebit – actually following flour. Rarebit returns “Money Shot” over O beer on. O beer on: “First woman that ever spat on me!”.
Down down – o beer on. Fanny Belt calls O beer on for doing a Mooney at the first check. Fanny Belt also has a down down for recognising him from behind.
Down down – Page three calls on Luv Machine for calling a circle a bit like an O. Both have down downs.
Down down – Rarebit, Luv Machine and No Entry – last call should have had all the hares in.
Down down – Big Dump – called by O beer on for shirking his responsibility at Hash Camp. Free flow carling down down, which Big Dump actually enjoys as apparently he drank girlie lager as a student. Nothing wrong with his memory then!!!
Down down – No Entry calls for a “quick one with Orville” – down down that is. After 10 years of hashing Orville turned up with “NEW SHOES”. How can “Hasher of the Decade 2000 – 2010” make such a schoolboy error. IFS
Down down – Murphy’s – sitting on a barrel in the circle. Down down taken by Murphy’s and Barrel – who sits on Murphy’s.
Down down – Page 3 for nor seeing Barrel’s circle.
Down down – Founder members Rarebit, Noddy and Barrel, and 1st runners Period Pain, Luv Machine and Orville. Down down song = “Here’s to Leeky....”.
Down down – O beer on and Period Pain – PP has red mark like a tattoo on his back – “It’s just a flesh wound”, but the “Hash wants to see his Gash”. Hash concludes that O beer on and Period Pain should have a down down for “Rough S*x” on the sand slide – and comp*tit*ve running.
Down down – Landlady of Southgate Club – Madonna with the Big Boobies. Down down song = flat chested. Luv Machine: “we will USE you again!”.
Down down – Inspect Her Flange – as GM, keeping too low a profile in the circle and slowly moving further away to avoid any down downs. Also for bringing his brother from Dubai.
Down down – John NNY – for suggesting that the RA may be “getting a bit pissed”.
Down down – John NNY – getting everybody’s name right first time in the “Name Game”. Definately won’t be a member of the CRAFT Club.
Down down – Noddy gave shirts to Rarebit, MyNewt and No Entry. Were supposed to change in the circle, but kept old shirts on – “here’s to keep em on”.
Down down – Pussy Galore – leaving circle and being a hash flash wannabee.
Down down – Murphy’s for a fine first effort as Beer Advisor. Cans were chilled and cups were clean.
Next Run: in three weeks time – Period Pain and Rarebit to hare it.